I do this for me, only for me, even if I tear up at every page. Life? Friendship? Everything? Absolutely garbage. And happy fucking Austrian National Day, October 26th. It has been such a hard month, and I feel nothing inside. I am fighting my demons. I cried. I scrubbed myself clean in the shower, and if I could, I would exorcise myself too. I biked for thirty minutes. Nothing, nothing makes me feel better anymore. I feel dead. And I feel like that song, I am here standing in the rain, but I never wave bye bye. And yes, I try and I try. I just have to go one more day, one more day, one more day. I travel only from my desk to the toilet, back to my desk, to the toilet, back to the kitchen to refill my water bottle, back to my desk, back to the kitchen to make something to eat, back to my desk. At some point I fall asleep. And I know there will be a time when I feel the liveliness of life again. But this time, when I come to the other side, I will be holding my manuscript. And what I am missing is an axis of meaning that expands the story beyond what it seems. Yeah, I am showing a life in transition, a society in transition, and it is as if this flux generates the bizarre within the everyday. It changes rules and norms and even turns life into a fever dream. The rules do not add up. And I think Mona’s heightened perception becomes a coherent response to the incoherent world around her, just as mine becomes a coherent response to the incoherent world around me.