Today I woke up feeling great. I woke up with a smile and had my coffee in the sun, and the day seemed to have a great rhythm, my writing process felt much smoother. But then, as the day unfolded, it felt like the person next to me is someone who is going to make my life hell again. I try to dodge his heavy emotional weight and the past luggage he carries with him. And I am feeling so much turbulence. I tried to stay cool as a cucumber, trying to be the best version of myself, a supportive partner, and a good communicator. In a way, I’m trying to be all the things I wasn’t in my past relationships, because I wanted to test out whether, if I don’t repeat the same mistakes I’ve made before, I might be able to find peace next to someone. I’m really sick of emotional rollercoasters. I keep trying to make things better, but it’s spiraling into a messy situation. He’s turning into my nightmare.